I’ve Never Been Good At Goodbyes…

Bye Bye Big Guy

It is with a heavy heart that I share the news that our beloved Brigel crossed the rainbow bridge today. We knew he was leaving us before his time, but I never thought it would be on us as suddenly as it came. He’d been slowing down for a long time. Back in March is when we knew he wouldn’t be around much longer. By then, his heart had already been working too hard for too long, and we could tell he was getting tired.

But we didn’t want to keep him from playing, or do anything any differently than we always had. Would keeping him from playing and the things he loved to do help him live any longer? Days or weeks perhaps, but we knew he wouldn’t understand, and we wanted his last days with us to be as joyful as they had always been. We wanted him to have as much fun as he could possibly have in the time he had left.

He wanted to play right up until the end, bringing us his “stick”, fetching it back to us for another turn, right beside his little brother, Rocket. He had just enough strength for two turns before he took his break, this last time he would ever have a chance to play. Ever.

The Beginning Of The End

He was once nearly a hundred pounds, but his digestion degraded to the point we started preparing fresh turkey and rice since the New Year. Over the last several months he soon grew tired of that, refusing to eat his food to such a degree that we were out of options. The occasional substitution of chicken or beef might persuade him to eat a meal rather than turn his nose up at it, but it wasn’t long before his appetite was gone. He was gaunt and had lost enough weight that it wasn’t worth using up his strength just to weigh him anymore.

I kept trying to “fix it”. Maybe if we…? What if we…? Ann with her knowledge of medicine knew what I didn’t, there is no cure for Cardio Myopathy. She finally told me he had maybe another week. She dispelled the misconceptions and myths I had. His arrhythmia hadn’t caused the swelling of his heart, the swelling of his heart is what caused his heart to race. I had it backward.

These last few weeks, our once “Big Guy” went from gaunt to emaciated. Nothing but skin and bone. By now, his digestion is non existent. It seems like anything he eats just goes right through him, like the food itself is exacerbating his condition. We know there’s nothing more we can do for him… Nothing except ease his struggle. We’re heartbroken.

 

Saying Goodbye

We both know Brigel is struggling with congestive heart failure. He’s been on Lasix to help stave it off for months now. He’s unable to find a comfortable spot, getting up and wandering around more and more often. This last week he’s hardly slept, wandering around in the middle of the night. Nothing can calm him down or ease his struggle to breathe. He’s drowning in the fluid slowly accumulating in his lungs that his heart can no longer pump out.

Ann calls an impromptu family meeting near the middle of the week to tell us it’s time to talk to the mobile vet. I’m still in denial about it. Still trying to fix it. But I can’t and I know it. It’s hard for me to say it’s time while he’s still playing. While he’s still breathing. But Ann knows his discomfort is just going to get worse, and quickly. We all agree it’s time. We have only days left to spend with him.

The mobile vet showed up before lunch today. We’ve yet to learn the secret to put a stop to Rocket’s aggressive barking at any and all strangers, so I have to be outside with the little guy when she gets here. We’d like this to be a peaceful transition. Ann finally comes to spell me so I can say my goodbyes. He’s already been sedated. He looks comfortable now, more relaxed than I’ve seen him in a long time.

Ann comes back in, knowing that Rocket will be more at ease with being left outside by her. The final injection takes a few minutes, but now he can rest. Now he’s finally at peace. Nick takes it the hardest. He was always able to use Brigel as a pillow, the only dog we’ve ever had that would let him do so. He lays his head down on him one last time, knowing his beloved pillow is no more.

 

The Hard Part

This has been hard on all of us. For me, the hardest part is helping the vet carry his now lifeless body to the back of her van and lifting him in. I thanked her for her kindness and said goodbye Big Guy. Rest now. Say hello to your sister, Maya, for us.

For those of you that know us, those of you that have followed us from the beginning, I want to thank you for your kindness, your patience, and your understanding. I haven’t updated our online presence in over a month. I’ve only recently been able to sit down and write about this. The Barkyard won’t be the same without him. We miss him dearly.

We thought the tears were over… Until Ann picked up Brigel’s ashes. They had hand written a very nice condolence and card. We are grateful. When we found they also cast his paw print, we both lost our composure. It’s a beautiful gesture, and a remembrance we will have the rest of our days.

In the coming days I will put together a memorial photo album on our Barkyard Facebook page, and a YouTube video with clips of our Big Guy in action. Maybe even a slide show, starting with when he was no more than a 5 pound bundle of fluff in our two hands.

Until we meet again Big Guy…